Annus Horribilis

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post this; it verges on a bit too much self-disclosure. It’s also rather negative, potentially whiney – and I don’t want to come over like a Skywalker male. xP

However, I decided it was worth setting this down even just for myself. So here goes…

2017 was not a stellar year. I should say, I don’t expect necessarily a stellar year every year – indeed expecting a whole year to be great would be rather a fool’s game – but by the same token I don’t really expect an entire year to be crud. And it’s usually not. But.

2017 was that year.

This morning, as 2018 dawned, I decided to think about what had been the good things for me in 2017:

My family. This is a biggie, no argument there. Without them I expect I could’ve plunged into a bit of a dark hole before now.

When I first began thinking, it came to mind that I’ve further developed and improved my karate. But… thinking about it some more, this year has seen rather a loss of “oomph”, feeling more exhausted, not pushing myself as much, overall struggling and to be honest, lacking something in terms of drive. It’s really just lately that I’ve felt the oomph return, as a number of the crappy things about the year have been dealt with, or faded further behind. Strikingly, in just those last few weeks I’ve found quite a surprisingly substantial improvement. (If I had improved at that rate throughout the year, I’d be feeling really pleased with the state of my karate about now.)

Which makes me more grumpy about the overall effect of the rest of this annus horribilis.

When the next “good things” that come to mind are essentially material (Shun knives, iPhone X), there’s a problem. So I’ll not bother going through those.

Honestly, I have nothing else other than the small individual things: I’ve taken satisfaction in my move to classical guitar, in learning card magic, and in the odd success with a patient. That raises an interesting point: we need to think about what we do, not just what is done to or around us. That touches on the distinction between pleasure-seeking, and simple happiness. Certainly, taking satisfaction in one’s own efforts is really important; much more so than simply thinking about good or bad things that happened. However. The year as a whole, and my feeling of being battered near-continually, led to markedly less satisfaction (and I dare say achievement) than there could (should) have been.

Now of course I’m not saying 2017 was a year of unrelenting horror, but the overall tenor of it really was shite. – And I’m not used to that, to be honest. Bad things happen, of course, but on and on and on gets a bit wearing after a while.

End whine.

Here’s to 2018. Saying no to some things, and approaching others differently.

And much more karate. And running.

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3 thoughts on “Annus Horribilis

  1. Yeah, 2017 sucked. My wife summed up things in here annual Xmas card letter narrative. http://tsmorganfamily.us/xmas/xmas17.html

    I can relate to your comments on karate. Since making shodan-ho, I’ve lost some of my focus as well. My goal is to get to our June promotional this year, but I’m starting to feel old and tired and what’s the point etc. Anyway, 2017 is now history. Hopefully I can make some new history this coming year.

    Tim

  2. It really has been difficult for you – the being caught up and effectively powerless in circumstances not of your making
    ‘What we do’ ! Really important for us to note the time we spend as actor or ag3nt in our own lives and time as merely audience – I’ve been trying to get that message through to certain device-addicted small persons

  3. I know what you mean – there’s a sense where you feel overwhelmed or swamped with the unpleasantness around. And when work is hard and not in a good place that has such an impact.
    The things you highlight as positives are very good things. I had classed 2017 as a bit of a crappy year but on reflection and emptying my Happy Jar I saw that there had been a multitude of good moments. My aim this year is to make sure they don’t get smothered by the smog of gloom that sometimes falls. I really hope this is a better year for you.
    And don’t worry, no skywalker whinges here 🙂

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